Dreaming on the Job -- Evolutionary Biology and Gwen Stefani

(Some) Details on Resolution

2007-01-29T07:36:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned, I visited the law firm of Schartzberg, Horowitz, Rosenbloom & Auschiwtz on Friday for a high-level meeting regarding the matter of Mandery. I will discuss the outcome in a moment, but let me say first of all that the alimentary offerings were paltry. One would expect such a firm to have fine cheese danish or croissant or a fancy Matzoh, but all they offered me was a glass of water. (I pilfered a candy from a bowl on the way out, but it was one those read and white rainbow mints, which are way too tart). It is hardly surprising that Mandery went cheap on his lawyer. Typical.

Anyway, we resolved the conflict and the terms of our agreement prevent me from discussing it in any detail. Mandery's book is scheduled to be published this week so he was anxious to resolve the matter and I was able to extract some substantial concessions. As part of the agreement, my blog will be publicized on his website and I will refrain from commenting any further on the creative development of his book. That is all I can say at this time. I do think the book has merit and encourage readers to buy it.

More on evolutionary biology matter and hot dogs to come.

Resolution

2007-01-26T19:15:00.000-08:00

we have a resolution of the conflict. I have to leave to work the midnight shift now -- details to follow over the weekend.

Stefani Summit

2007-01-26T05:50:00.000-08:00

Mandery's attorney has invited me this afternoon to a summit meeting at the offices of his firm called, I think, Schwartz, Lipschutz, Moscowitz & Rosenberg. It is obvious that Mandery and his attorney, Shlomo Glickenstein, are worried about the havoc that I can wreak in connection with the impending release of his book (due out next week). I will attend the meeting, and pilfer as many cheese danishes as I can, but Mortimer Coleridge cannot be bought.

I should say further that I do not blame Mandery's people for their personality and choice of occupation. As everyone who knows me knows, I believe that choices in life are all predetermined. If his folk are calculating money-grubbers it is only because natural selection has dictated that they act this way. We still do not have to like them -- in the same way that nature has shaped the boa constrictor, but we still do not like it either.

A report from the pit later.

Attorney Mandery Denies His Heritage

2007-01-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

Now Mandery is claiming that I said something anti-Semitic by referring to his heritage and lawyers. Well, I was referring to the fact that he himself used to be an attorney. But could he seriously deny that the Bar is overflowing with his people?

Latest Price Increase and Mandery Antics

2007-01-24T13:17:00.000-08:00

This is a devastating day. I worked a 12-hour shift on Monday and returned after 6 hours sleep to work another 12-hour shift on Tuesday. To make matters worse, I learned when I arrived at work of the latest price increase from 95 cents to $1.25. Management says this is necessary to keep up with the price increase at Papaya King, Gray's Papaya and other competitors.

I don't understand the notion of a price INCREASE dictated by competition. A price cut by a competitor could create a price war, but an increase is only dictated by an increase in the costs of the factors of production. The cost of meat has not increased and the employees at Papaya Queen have certainly not seen an increase in wages.

I think the increase is a mistake. People fear change. A dollar is the perfect price. $1.25 means that people will have to deal with quarters. I personally avoid transactions where change is involved unless I need change for a parking meter.

I also had a meeting with an attorney yesterday and have decided upon advice of counsel not to comment further on Mandery's book or his outrageous posts. This matter will be resolved by our attorneys, a mode of resolution that Mandery should be familiar with given his heritage.

The Anti-Anti-Semite is also an Anti-Frey

2007-01-21T07:29:00.000-08:00

Mandery says that he does not understand what it means to be an anti-anti-Semite? Let me explain. It is the hypersensitivity of his people to any comment that could be construed as anti-Semitic, no matter how much of a stretch is required to construe the comment as insulting. It is hardly surprising that Mandery does not understand this concept since he is also an anti-Frey, passing off a work of non-fiction as fiction. He will doubtlessly claim not to understand this concept either.

Mandery's Hypersensitivy

2007-01-20T20:27:00.000-08:00

In response to my recent posting regarding his novel, Evan Mandery has begun a blog of his own in which he astonishingly accuses me of anti-Semitism (in addition to some mindless prattle about his losses in poker). This accusation is apparently based on a hypersentitive interpretation of my earlier entry regarding Dreaming of Gwen Stefani his putative novel. I defy anyone reading that entry to find any mention of Mr. Mandery's Judaism or a disparaging religious statement of any kind. Could it be that Mr. Mandery himself is an anti-anti-Semite?

Incredulous Denial

2007-01-18T18:58:00.000-08:00

It is beyond the pale for Evan Mandery to deny that Dreaming of Gwen Stefani is derivative of me. For goodness sake, the main character has my very same name. Reading his words, I am reminded of his condescending manner and am hardly surprised, given his heritage, at his dissembling. He is, frankly, embarassing himself with his obvious insincerity.

Dreaming of Gwen Stefani

2007-01-17T15:03:00.000-08:00

By now many of you are aware of the publication this week of Dreaming of Gwen Stefani, a book by a man named Evan Mandery. Mr. Mandery worked at Payaya Queen briefly in the early 1990s during which period we had an association that fell something short of a friendship. Mr. Mandery worked on Ruth Messinger's mayoral campaign in 1997 and wrote a book creatively titled The Campaign about his experiences working for Messinger. It is a humorless text that has been largely ignored -- but for suspcious characterizations of it as a classic by The Jewish Press and The Gotham Gazette -- and reveals Mandery as a imagination-less fraud.

It should be no surpirise to anyone that his first novel is also derivative. It is about a man named Mortimer Taylor Coleridge (creative!) who works in a Papaya Queen hot dog stand (more creative!) who becomes fascinated with Gwen Stefani (ultimately creative!)

Some of the themes in the book are consistent with ideas that I have articulated in this blog and in private conversation, but the ostensible merits of the content of the book do not change its derivative nature. I have reviewed an advance copy of the book. If the identity of the names were not sufficient proof, it is clear to anyone who knows me that it is entirely derivative of my life. The book contains diary entires that infringe my privacy. For the record, I denounce the book specifically, Mr. Mandery in general, and am in contact with attorneys about this matter.

Sublime Escape

2007-01-08T07:07:00.000-08:00

Here at the Stefani Institute, we have concluded a period of intense study of the newest release, The Sweet Escape. While the rest of the academic world retired for a long holiday break, we continued a period of intensive study, dissecting the new album for what insights it might offer into the current state of the philosophical ruminations of the principal.

While the album has received mixed reviews in the academy, we find that it strikingly evidences continuity in Ms. Stefani's world view. We pay little attention here to the musical choices made. The focus rather is entirely on the subsntative message delivered and the philosophy that it conveys. As much as ever before, The Sweet Escape is suggestive of a young woman struggling to establish self-control and wondering about the possibility of free will.

The title track deals with Ms. Stefani's restlessness. She wonders why she has been behaving erratically and whether she might behave differently if she could escape to a place that's her own world. In "Early Winter", she again wonders why she gives in -- it is somewhat unclear to what she is referring -- but the song seems to refer to discontent with her lover and the premature termination of their romance. The questions go to the ability to master one's emotions -- and, as always, no emotion is more prominently on her mind than love.

Love takes a central theme in the album, in a manner strongly reminiscent of its prominence in Tragic Kingdom and Return of Saturn. "4 in the Morning" refers to her being awake early in the morning, ostensibly following a significant fight, and she worries about losing the love that she has found. In "Fluorescent" she again appears to be grappling with the questions of self-control regarding love that so heavily influenced the breakthrough No Doubt albums. She speaks of remaining perhaps too long in a relationship in spite of herself -- "I must have lost my mind" she says -- but she is "in love with a dream." The theme is clearest of all in "U Started It" where she admits that she doesn't know why she is "doin' this either." "It" appears to be expressing rage.

The Sweet Escape reveals a woman as honest as ever, grappling with the tumult of human existence, and trying to make sense of the choices that individuals make and that people make in general. In so doing, it is a significant and valuable addition to the already impressive ouevre.

One typo of note: your angry in the song "The Sweet Escape" should be "you're angry." The grammar in thw album is otherwise improved.

Breathless Anticipation

2006-12-18T12:53:00.000-08:00

is the best way to desribe my state of being as I open the new cd, freshly minted and just arrived in the daily post. I ordered from Amazon, but excited as I was I did not want to pay for the shipping so I have waited anxiously for 9 days for it to arrive. It is here now and I will begin the work of parsing the new lyrics for clues and insights into Gwen's life with a full report to follow anon.

The Sweetest Escape

2006-12-02T04:41:00.000-08:00

People ask me all the time at work what I think about Gwen's solo career, and I always say the same thing: "It's got me feeling hella good, so I'm gonna keep on dancing." This has never seemed more relevant than this past week when the entire Gwen community is buzzing with the news of a new album release, The Sweet Escape, in early December, and a North American tour to follow in April of 2007. Love Angel Music Baby produced some great moments, including What You Waiting For?, a smart reflection on Gwen's inability -- an inability that has parallels in every other person -- to exercise complete control over her own life. In my opinion, some of the offerings from the album such as Hollaback Girl were more trivial and less introspective. As Gwen continues to pass through milestone phases in her life, including the birth or her new son, I am hopeful that The Sweet Escape will contain more retrospection and good beats. The video of Wind it Up, a parody of the Sound of Music is already available and offers cause of great optimism.

The Skinny on Right and Wrong

2006-11-14T03:43:00.000-08:00

Add to Professor Skinny's list of similarities (or lack of dissimilarities) between humans and animals the very nature of right and wrong itself. Philosophers have long regarded moral thinking as the exclusive province of human thought. But Marc Hauser, a Harvard biologist, proposes in his new book "Moral Minds" that people are hardwired with a moral grammar that dictates the choices they make in everyday ethical situations. Hauser argues that people are not conscious of this process, and are able to convince themselves that they have arrived at their decision on their own reasoning. Hauser's is a theory for discussion, but he makes the convicing point that atheists and people of many different religious faiths reach the same moral judgments about a host of different matters. This may be only a tentative conclusion, but it is surely bound to land on Professor Skinny's list and make our human distinctivess just a little bit skimpier than ever before.

The Changing Landscape of Papaya in NYC

2006-10-29T04:45:00.000-08:00

I was downtown yesterday and saw that the Papaya King has become the latest of our competitors to raise its prices. They apologize profusely for it, attibuting it to the rising cost of ingredients, but the fact is it now costs 95 cents for a hot dog, as it does at many of the Papaya establishments around town. The question is why they would not raise prices to a dollar. The net efficiency lost in having to deal with nickels is substantial. It is hard to imagine the customer with an elasticity of demand that would lead them to make the purchase at 95 cents and not at a dollar. If equal or greater concern is that the King does not see fit to toast its buns. They warm them for a moment, but this approach cannot compare with the fully toasted bun that one finds at the true royalty of hot dog establishments, the Papaya Queen, where no attention to detail is spared and a frankfurter still costs only 75 cents.

African Elephants, Humans, and Mourning of the Dead

2006-10-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

As anyone who knows me knows, I have been heavily influenced by the teachings of the great Fillmore Skinny, Professor of Evolutionary Biology at the esteemed Columbia University. Professor Skinny's primary thesis is that all of the behavior that we believe makes us distinctively human has direct analogs in other animals. Add another kind of beahvior to the list: mourning of the dead. The New York Times Sunday magazine reports, in connection with a cover story about the collective breakdown of elephant society, that African elephants conduct weeklong vigils over the bodies of fallen colleagues. The cover their friends' bodys with dirt and brush and will return to the site of the grave for years. Remarkably, when one member of an elephant group is harmed, all of the members of the group are aware of it (not unlike the Star Trek episode where Spock says that he is aware that an entire ship of Vulcans have died, eben though they are light years apart). To my mind, this all suggests that elephants have an even more developed sense of empathy than humans and is another chink in the armor of human-centric claims of the uniquesness of mankind. Onward, Skinny!

Happy Birthday, Gwen

2006-10-03T19:21:00.000-07:00

Today is Gwen's 37th birthday. As her #1 fan, I can't let the occasion pass without without a very special birthday wish and a moment of speculation about what may come next. I hope as she passes through motherhood and the next stages of adult life that she continues to share her experiences with the same honesty and candor that she has in the past. I for one will be listening closely. Happy birthday, Gwen.

Papaya Queen and the 2008 Presidential Campaign

2006-09-26T08:09:00.002-07:00

It isn't too early to start thinking about the 2008 Presidential campaign, and at Papaya Queen the discussions are already underway. In 2004 we endorsed Joe Lieberman -- "Connecicut's Great Democrat." When he lost in the primary we endorsed Kerry. In 2000 we endorsed Bill Bradley before he lost to Al Gore in the primary, then endorsed Al Gore. Before that, Papaya Queen endorsed Paul Tsongas, Michael Dukakis, and George McGovern. Those we the old days, though, and the new management wants to back a winner. Part of the idea is to be able to post a sign that says "Papaya Queen picks a winner and packs a great weiner." They are thus discussing the idea of backing McCain on the idea that he might actually win. I think that this is part and parcel of the "anything-to-make-a-buck" mentality that is sweeping America. Getting behing a Presidential winner early is big business, but to me it's a matter of principle. The Papaya Queen hot dog is the purest, most unadulterated food known to man, and it should make no compromise when it comes to core principles. Hot dogs are for libertarians and our politics should be too. McCain could win, but so could Clinton or Bloomberg or Edwards. The person being overlooked in all of this is Jerry Brown. He has demonstrated his electability and the time is clearly right for a comeback. Brown has been into the store before and takes his dogs with both mustard and onions -- a delicious choice, and a choice free from government intervention.

Hawaiian Crickets and the Death of New York Radio

2006-09-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

People who know me know that I have very few possessions. I own two books, watch no television, and spend several hours each day meditating of practicing Yoga. When I have free time, I listen to the radio. One of the striking things about radio in New York City is that modern rock is almost absent from the scene. One can hear pop and hip hop on Z-100 and classic rock on 104.3, but K-Rock is now all talk. WPLJ is the only station where one has even the faintest chance of hearing Gwen or any of the other modern bands that I enjoy including Green Day, The Arcade Fire, and the Foo Fighters. This is great music -- with Gwen and No Doubt -- the greatest, of course, and people love it. The question is: where has it gone?

The answer in today's paper is suggested by the recent history of Hawaiian crickets. Male crickets on Kauai have a problem: their distinctive chirp can attract a parasitic fly. Their numbers declined throughout the 1990s, when this parasite first arrived on the scene. Recently, though, they have been surging and the reason is that the males have lost the protiberance that creates the clicking sound. This is a great illustration of something Professor Skinny taught me at Columbia: nature works fast. The crickets evolved in less than 20 generations.

Radio isn't so nimble. It takes time to change formats. And while DNA encourages (or dictates) that organisms take all kinds of chances -- because even if one fails it is of benefit to the group -- stations are more risk averse. There might very well be a market for an all-Gwen station -- I am quite sure there would be -- but the chance is too great. Given that talk radio is tried and true, the station managers are assured of a consistent if not overwhelming return without the risk of venturing into new territory. But they should learn a lesson from the crickets and stop rubbing their wings together or, more accurately, just trying anything that might work.

Gwen Stefani Dolls Have Got Some "Wicked" Style

2006-09-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

Knowing of my long-standing and now somewhat public interest in all things Stefani, several of my colleagues at the Papaya Queen have asked me my opinion about the soon to be released, limited edition, Love Angel Music Baby fashion dolls. Just yesterday, Garcia and I were out at lunch and he asked me, "What do you think about the dolls?" (in Spanish, of course). Needless to say, I am a fan. I like Cool Gwen, Bananas Gwen, and am a particular fan of Tick-Tock Gwen with her blue pinafore dress. Barbie is an ancient icon that establishes a dangerous body ideal for young girls; the time is appropriate for a change.

I have only two misgiving about the release. The first is the unfortunate name of the distributor Huckleberry Toys, which unfortunately evokes the sad-sack and slightly bufoonish Huckleberry Hound of cartoon yesteryear. The more serious concern is with Ms. Stefani's increasing reliance on "wicked" as a complimentary adjective. For example, she said in connection with the release of the dolls, "The Harajuku Girls and I wore such wicked costumes we had to share them with the world again." She earlier used the term to describe the Harajuku girls in "What You Waiting For" where she proclaimed, "You Harajuku girls, damn you've got some wicked style." This image repeats on LAMB in "Harajuku Girls," where she says, "Harajuku Girls you got the wicked style." Girls is capitalized in the lyrics to the song "Harajuku Girls" but not in the lyrics to "What You Waiting For." This is a trifle. My greater concern is with the increasing reliance on the colloquial sense of wicked. It teaches poor grammar to American youth. I propose "distinctive" as a subtitute. This works quite well in each of the songs. For example, in "What You Waiting For," the verse would go:
You Harajuku Girls (capitalize for consistency)
Damn you got distinctive style
The new word preserves the meter and adds a nice consonance between "distinctive" and "style."
With this minor reservation, I offer the Huckleberry/Stefani dolls my complete endorsement.